Struggling

Turns out that my back had other ideas when I thought that I had finally got on top of it.  It has been a pesky bugger all week, requiring 2 more visits to the osteopath and physio.  Normally, I would just get on with life and accept this on-going maintenance.  Normally, I would breeze through and do whatever has to be done.  Normally, I would look at the positives and know that I am getting stronger day by day.  Normally, I would know that it is through hardship that we grow.  Normally, I would smile and tell people that  I am doing well.  Normally, I would try to make myself believe that we are what we think.  Normally, I would accept that everything happens for a reason.

But you know what, this week I am DONE with all the things I would normally do.

After what has been nearly a year, I am done with picking myself up over and over.  I am done with pulling myself together and being positive.  I am done with thinking that my back is allowing me to grow stronger as a person.  I am done with trying everything under the sun in the hopes it will help.  I am done with my back consuming my thinking all day, every day.  I am done with being in pain.  I am done with not being able to do what I want to do.  I am done with getting home and being in so much pain I have no choice but to be relegated to bed.  I am done with not being able to go for walks or bike rides.  I am done with not being able to have baths.  I am done with having to put on a brave face.

And so, I have cried.  And cried.  And cried.

Has all this crying helped?  No.  I still feel crappy.  But I do feel relief that for once, I am not having to pretend that I am coping with all of this. 

It's been a long year.  I am tired.  And sad. 

This week

I think I have finally sorted out my on-going back issue.  I decided that it was time for a visit to my favourite osteopath to get her opinion on the situation.  She told me that my right pelvis was rotating, hence causing the pain.  She worked on me for 30 minutes and got everything back in place.   She said that this has nothing to do with my surgery or the 'old' injury.  It is just something that can happen from time to time. Sweet, glory, I am now pain free. Too exciting!!!!

I had a pretty quiet week on the exercise front due to my back, but am now hoping that I will be able to get back into things a bit more.  This week, I will just stick with swimming again, but might try a walk or bike ride on the weekend.

Food wise, things have been going great.  Here are some of my faves from this week:

Black Bean Burgers from Forks Over Knives - so simple and so tasty!!

1can black beans, drained and rinsed

2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp yellow mustard
1/2 small onion, chopped
1 crushed garlic clove.
1/3 cup instant oats

Preheat oven to 400F. Grease a cookie sheet or line with parchment paper and
set aside. In a mixing bowl, mash black beans with a fork until mostly pureed
but still some half beans and bean parts are left. Stir in condiments and spices
until well combined. Then mix in oats. Divide into 4 equal portions and shape
into thin patties with your hands. Bake for 7 minutes, care- fully flip over and
bake for another 7 minutes, or until crusty on the outside.

I wrapped mine in a large cos lettuce leaf and served with beetroot, sauteed onions and mushrooms and a mango salsa.  SO good!!

Another goody from this week is this Chickpea, Tomato and Spinach curry from Good Food Magazine:

A serious taste sensation.  Heavenly, vegan goodness :)

So, here's to another week of healthy living.  As they say: "Eat better, feel better"!