Neurosurgeon Eve...

Today is "Neurosurgeon Eve". Not quite as exciting as Christmas Eve, but there is nonetheless a sense of anticipation and nervous excitement involved.

Tomorrow has been a long time coming. When I made the appointment 2 1/2 weeks ago for the first available slot, January 22nd seemed like eons away. I felt sure and confident that I would be healed by then and that I would not even need to attend the appointment. I felt like I had the strength, power and know-how to heal my body in what seemed like the vast amount of time I had.

As the time has drawn closer, I have still held steadfast in the belief that my numbness and pain would be gone by January 22nd. I have certainly made progress. Hello! I can now shower myself and I can even get my pants on by myself as long as I sit down to do it. Major accomplishments in my book. But can I feel my left leg? Not so much. Am I pain-free? Um, next question.

That leaves me with tomorrow's appointment. There are many words to sum up how I am currently feeling: Nervous, curious, morose, interested, excited, teary, faithful, scared, optimistic and apprehensive. That's a cocktail of contradictory emotions right there.

But the overiding feeling is one of fear. The thought of potentially having spinal surgery terrifies me. But that is all I am going to say about that because what will be, will be. The situation is what it is. These things happen for a reason. And let's face it, if I need surgery then I am all for it. I wanna get back to living my full, active life.

I remain glued to the belief that my life is unfolding exactly as it should.

Today's mental goal: "No matter where you are, no matter how difficult things might appear to be, you are always being moved towards magnificence. Always."

Today's physical goals: Today was a very active day (after some days of pretty bad pain). I achieved a trip to the supermarket; a walk to the gym and back; 5 mins pool walking and 30 mins traction; lunch out with a friend. I'm feeling quite good, but my right hip / butt cheek are not my friends at the moment. And neither is my left leg for that matter.

Say a little prayer for me that the neurosurgeon's diagnosis is the best path for me and that it is the one that will lead to me being able to live a full and active life again soon.